There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
