where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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