get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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