Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will die if light touches me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
