I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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