Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
no, he came in my armpit
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
