i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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