I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
