You smell like a Billy Joel song
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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