We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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