this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
