it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
