Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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