you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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