There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
