I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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