Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's like iHOP with fire
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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