Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You are a genius and a whore.
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