I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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