I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want to make out with him forever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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