My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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