I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
