My first STD was from a foam party
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They have beer where we have blood.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
