I'm drive I can fine osifer
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
