Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
