Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
