So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
