A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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