do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Boobs speak an international language.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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