and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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