why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
