I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.