someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
