I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass