Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.