i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.