Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
