Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I want to make a zoo with you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
