I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
