12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
