So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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