Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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