we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
