At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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