Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
