Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im six kinds of drunk right now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
