He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
