we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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