it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
