So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
