are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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