I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
