seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
