this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
