I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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