pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
