yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
