party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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