Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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