can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize