The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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