i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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