Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
