I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
