And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
