Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
