Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
