He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
