I am spending my child support on dildos
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
