ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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