I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
