bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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