i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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