Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
