i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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