I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
