i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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