don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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