They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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