Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
