I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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