he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
