I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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