I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize