Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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