New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize