You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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