if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
